The Math Behind Self-care

What if we all had 10 pellets of energy to spend each day? How many do you spend before you even get to work?

Maybe you wake up every morning rehashing things you should have said the previous day/decade. Day after day, you start with 9, the first one continually absorbed by mental stuff.

You read Facebook in bed before you get up, glance at Twitter while you brush your teeth, like a few things on Instagram over your first sip of coffee. You’re down to 8.

Maybe you spend another couple on patience, getting the kids out the door. Then another 1 on traffic. Down to 5.

By 9am you have literally spent HALF of your energy pellets for the day. It’s possible that you show up to work every morning as if you were half-hungover or as if you started your day a full 6 hours before the rest of the world.

Most people have an allergic reaction to the words “self-care.” I get it. Self-care evokes a basket filled with pastel bath beads, a personality who must sniff incense and leave work by 3pm to adjust his chakras. Self-care sounds wealthy, spoiled and precious.

Ignore the poor marketing, folks. “Self care” is math, quite simply a question of depleting and refilling. Have you ever spent time in a sandbox? You can’t build mountains without making holes.

So how do you maximize those 10 energy pellets? And is there a way to earn any back? I have some ideas.

1. Deny regret. And while you’re at it? Deny jealousy, imposter syndrome, trolls and could-have-beens. Not one of these serve you. Do not give them an ounce of an energy pellet. When they show up in your day, call them out and turn away. Nice try, regret. You’re cut off.

2. Shed, continuously. Every single thing you do today will take energy from you. Not into the book for book club this month? Stop reading it. Dragging your feet on a catch-up coffee with someone? Cancel it. There is a difference between loyalty and empty obligation — and often the difference is called guilt. There’s no room for guilt in your budget.

3. Outsource. I say this specifically to business owners: YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE THE ONE TAKING OUT THE TRASH. Value your damn time and recognize the absurd tasks you’re holding onto because you’re worried people will think you’ve got an ego. Welcome to adulthood. Those people’s assumptions are their problems, not yours.

4. Refuel with premium. Make time and space in your schedule for the best of the best. Whether it’s a daily call with your dad, evenings spent with nothing on the schedule or afternoon chakra work (hey, no judging!), you know the activities and people who bring you energy, whose presence in your life sends you back to your desk with renewed enthusiasm and a couple extra energy pellets. Follow these, always.

Can you imagine how efficient meetings would be if everyone had a handle on their shit and showed up with energy to spend? How quickly could decisions be made if the only topic on the table was the issue at-hand?

It’s all math, folks. Practicing self-care demonstrates your understanding and appreciation of systems. You know as well as I do: the best people at work are never the ones eternally scraping the bottom of the barrel.

If you’re a manager, self-care is even more important. You can’t offer support, guidance and direction to a group of people if you don’t have a handle on yourself. Join us next week for Plucky’s manager training in NYC! The very notion of attending a 2-day conference is a gift to yourself.

The Press

I’ve been doing yoga two mornings a week for a few months now. At first I wasn’t very good (although any yoga teacher will diplomatically tell you that just showing up and trying is all that’s necessary). I wasn’t super bendy, I didn’t know the difference between warrior poses, I had a hard time remembering to breathe, let alone track my movements by breath.

But I’m a little bit better these days. You know, practice makes better.

Sometimes I’ll be doing a pose and Elizabeth, our teacher, will come over to my mat. She’ll press a muscle or area of my body, pushing into whatever we’re stretching. (Today, for example, it was my side while we bent our arms over our heads). She’ll breathe slowly and press gently into a spot where the work is happening, often a blind spot that I’ve forgotten to keep track of. It is such a great reminder that such a spot exists, that focusing on that exact point can make my yoga work better and more fulfilling.

This is what I wholeheartedly believe about coaching. The truth is, you can get through anything on your own, particularly if you’re self-aware, reflective and willing to work. But to have a trusted coach press on an area where they see growth about to bloom or a challenge they believe you can meet? It really helps.

I’ve got a couple spots opening up for leadership coaching in Q4. If you would like to support a member of your team through coaching, shoot me a note and we can talk!

You’ll Be Okay.

I had a baby in July and in the last weeks of being pregnant I used to hear this song on the radio all the time. It’s called You’ll Be Okay by a band called A Great Big World. Since I spent many hours each week this spring coaching leaders and to-be-leaders, I thought about them when this song came on. Coaching involves support and I hear from clients who else they count on for support at work.

I got this weird idea to make a music video for this song but assumed it was being 9 months pregnant. And yet.

I kept thinking about it during maternity leave and a couple months back I decided to do it. Instead of holiday cards this year, I’ve got a music video for you all. (Do you know how scary it is to sing in front of a computer destined for others’ viewing? WELL. IT IS.)

If you’re anticipating tough holidays or having a hard time at work or stumbling through a relationship with a family member, here you go. You’ll be okay. That’s the message and here are 10 other companies who share in supporting humans all over.

Many thanks to the awesomely brave folks at: Fastspot, SEER, Yellow Pencil, Planet Argon, Fresh Tilled Soil, Pixo, 352, Kin HR, Chromatic and Plank. It’s been amazing to see so many brave souls sing a cheesy song together for others. Happy Holidays!