I found a dead bird in the driveway the other day.
Actually, I didn’t find it. My kid’s friend’s dad did when he came by to pick up his son.
“Oh, a dead bird,” he said, pointing.
After he left, I got a plastic bag and went out to retrieve it. Have you ever picked up a dead bird? They weigh nothing. In fact, I thought I missed getting it at first, I opened my hand to reach again but the carcass fell out of the bag and I realized that I’d had it, it was just so light that it didn’t register.
This reminds me of two things that happen in workplaces:
1. Your frustration with a colleague.
2. Avoiding the quitting conversation.
I can’t tell you how many times a client has worked up the courage to confront a coworker or deliver hard feedback and it just goes… smoothly. They’ve spent weeks, months even, losing sleep and stressing about the dynamic and then – poof! – it’s over. Confronting the issue makes it shrink away, as if the tension has been popped with a pin.
“COLLEAGUE NAME, I’ve noticed that you tend to talk over other people in our meetings and it’s started to bother me. I figure we’ve worked together long enough for me to share that with you. Have you noticed this about yourself?”
Of course some colleagues will fight you on it but often, they fold. They apologize, they thank you for the feedback and you fall back in your chair, relieved that it’s over.
A similar thing happens when you’re preparing to quit your job. You imagine a Hollywood scene where bosses flip tables and tell you, in an exceedingly cruel voice, that you’ve never actually been good at your job. Again, despite rare exceptions, THIS DOESN’T REALLY HAPPEN. The quitting conversation is calm and short, your manager says that they’re surprised but the whole Zoom lasts four minutes because they say they need to go plan for next steps.
Sometimes, confrontation is a dead bird. In case you’re staring down a tense September, I just want you to know that.
Small Coaching Groups this Fall
You know how I can tell a small coaching group is working? There’s a lot of nodding.
While 1:1 coaching is a wonderful resource for processing challenges at work, small groups are unique in that other people have the same questions. Whether it’s a group focused on senior managers, working parents or burn-out, someone always has the same problem. That’s so connective, right?
This fall, I’m debuting two new small coaching groups with an ADHD focus. (You might remember that I took an ADHD coaching class this summer! This is my first offering inspired by the experience…). Small groups are capped at four attendees and we’ll meet six times this fall. The folks who sign up for small groups are people you want to know because they’re open to listening, sharing and change. Dream team.
Here are the two groups:
Managers with ADHD (October – December)
You’re a good match if: you have ADHD and you’re a manager.
Working adults with ADHD (October – December)
You’re a good match if: you have ADHD. Your role at work doesn’t matter in this one!
Read more about these groups here!
Scaling Tech podcast
I was excited to talk with Arin Sime last month on his podcast on the topic of… wait for it… BEING PROMOTED BEFORE YOU’RE READY. I know. Blasphemy!
I love talking about work stuff that’s usually shoved under the rug. Wondering if you’ve been pushed a little too fast? Go listen!
Last of all…
Some of you know that I’m more than a leadership coach – I’m a writer, too. On October 5, I’ll be leading a writing panel at Barrelhouse’s Conversations and Connections conference! The panel is about how you might want to be a writer AND whatever the heck you do as a day job. I don’t think we have many role models for folks making art AND enjoying their jobby jobs; the panelists in this session will share anecdotes and advice for how it can work. I’m excited!
Interested? Come to Philly for the day! More details here.
Plucky turns 11 next week and I both can and cannot believe it. Thank you, thank you, thank you for referring new clients, forwarding this newsletter to a friend, dropping Plucky’s info in an internal Slack conversation and generally being a wonderful intersection of the world. I feel so lucky to do this work. Onwards to year 12!
xo Jen
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